Backstage

The grey, cement walls were cold to the touch. Underground, one could hear the noises emitting from the orchestra pit.

As I ascended the stairs, I cringed at the dissonant chords of the strings and tried to block the noise as if it were a piercing light determined to reveal my discomfort.

Walking through the door, a hot draft overcame me and for a split second, I felt that I was back in the dressing room with a thousand fluorescent light bulbs directed towards my face.

Their light, penetrating deeply into my pores and prying me open, wanted my spirit to seep through the cracks. However, backstage there was only complete darkness consoling me as it surrounded me and forced its way into my soul, until it was intertwined among the threads of my silk kimono.

Although the obi was growing heavier and the paper parasol was holding me back, I trudged across the black platform, once almost losing my balance and trembling until I found comfort centerstage.

One last deep breath and I closed my eyes only to open them and realize the spotlight and the whole world watching me. The audience was a dark abyss with frightening silhouettes, obscured face, with only the tops of heads reflecting light.

Then the music started, too muffled and too quiet, 2 bars, 3 bars, 4; I lost my place...a thousand thoughts passed through my mind. Thoughts of school, family, Club Kaibigan, (a Filipino club on-campus) everything and anything unrelated to my music overwhelmed me, scaring me, causing me to tremble. It was time!

I trusted myself and started to sing. The darkness, once kept within me, now poured out in a deluge of emotions, exposed through my facial expressions and movements. And for once, I felt lighter than air as I moved onstage, my actions controlled by my own emotions.

Time seemed to slow down for a few moments as I prepared myself for the infamous A-flat, the high note that haunted me. Simultaneously, the lighted judges' box in the distance came into focus.

But for that split second, the eyes that once camouflaged in darkness now blinked shades of ocean blue and hazelnut brown, reflecting light. My heart started to beat faster as I climbed the scale, determined to reach the summit.

The pinnacle was precariously within my reach, set to catapult me into victory or drown me in humiliation. The view from the top was beautiful; the open space, the clarity, and the power, shining in their utmost perfection, were limitless. At last conquering the note, I held it for eternity, and then yielded to the serenity of the ocean waves.

Finally, when the music stopped I continued to gaze out into the silent audience, confused because I had not yet caught up with the moment. When I did, I heard clearly for the first time the applause of the audience in unison.

And after my final bow, I left the stage only to return to the darkness that inspired me.

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