Battling bullies In September 2003, I started my position as head of student services at a middle-class suburban high school, a school known to have no "real" problems: no violence, no gangs, no heavy discipline issues. It is known to be such a clean school that families living outside of our area have become very creative in finding "back doors" into it so that their children can go to a "good" school.
But the fact that our school is relatively free of violence and gang behavior does not, unfortunately, make it free of all problems. In my first few months there, four students transferred to other schools because they could no longer tolerate the bullying they endured at our school.
Our school board had no policy, no informal agreement, no guidelines, no program—nothing to help. It was very difficult to get others to accept that we had a bullying problem. In the meantime, bullying was dealt with in the same way as any other kind of conflict: The perpetrator was punished with detention or suspension, and that was it. Sometimes, even the victim was punished for his role in his own bullying!
This was not the way to handle the problem, I was sure. Despite my misgivings, I agreed to participate in a conflict-resolution session to help with one particular case of bullying. It became clear to me, quite quickly, why conflict resolution only exacerbates the bullying situation: There is no conflict to resolve!
The bully victims (two, in this instance) had no issue with the bullies (there were four of them) beyond the pain they were suffering. The distress expressed was completely one-sided; the bullies were contemptuous, not distressful. What we had done, with our good intentions, was give the bullies another whack at the victims. The bullies left the room triumphant. The victims were left behind, re-traumatized.
Finally, two of the vice principals recognized the pattern and acknowledged that we were responsible for the problem. Accepting the blame for the bullying problem in our school was our first baby step.
Despite the fact that there was a sea of resources available workbooks, blackline masters, videos, presentations, Web sites and even some programs, most of these were targeted at elementary students and seemed more like band-aid solutions than catalysts for real change.
What we needed was a rich and firm philosophical ground where our work could take root and grow. One day, we found it in the book, The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, by Barbara Coloroso.
The philosophical firm ground provided in Coloroso’s book began with an understanding of what bullying is: “A conscious, willful and deliberate hostile activity intended to harm, induce fear through the threat of further aggression and create terror.” One of the most helpful parts of Coloroso’s definition are the “markers of bullying,” which have helped us to distinguish bullying from other forms of aggression. They are:
Imbalance of power;
Intent to harm;
Threat of further aggression.
Whenever we question whether we are looking at bullying or a simple conflict, we look for these markers and for the emotion Coloroso claims to be central for the bully: contempt.
Another part of Coloroso’s book that we have adopted into our philosophy is some of her advice about how to deal with the bully. She advises us to help the bully learn to empathize, to teach him or her friendship skills and to give the bully opportunities to do good.
Once we established a firm ground for ourselves, we could move on toward making a change in our school. Our first step was to create awareness and understanding among the teaching staff and students. We wanted students to recognize bullying as something they had witnessed in their own school so that they would take greater ownership for the problem.
One of the drama teachers agreed to use his senior class to create a drama presentation from their own bullying experiences. Following the drama, a PowerPoint presentation introduced some important facts about bullying, accompanied by real-life examples of tragic bullying incidents, images and music with which our students could relate. At the end of the presentation, students were encouraged to sign their names to show their personal commitment to take specific actions toward eliminating bullying in our school. The promise was printed on a large banner with all of the signatures and displayed in the cafeteria. A follow-up exercise in classrooms allowed students to reflect on roles they might have played in bullying and how they could change their behavior to make a difference.
Reactions to the presentation were astounding. There were spontaneous class discussions about bullying for days. Students revealed their own painful experiences, and some confessed openly, and with regret their participation in bullying. One teacher reported that in his class, one student approached another and apologized for having tormented him in grade school. People started to use the word “bullying” to describe incidents they would have called “fighting” in the past. Teachers started to refer students they suspected as victims to our offices. Vice principals started to work with me to develop an approach to dealing with these complex cases.
I believe we can attribute much of our (albeit still limited) success to the fact that guidance counselors and vice principals worked together. Bullying problems may be reported either to guidance or a vice principal. It is very clear to all involved that the two are working together to help the students solve the problem.
Counseling is central to the entire process. Both the bully and the victim receive counseling support until they no longer need it. Victims are reassured that they are believed and that they are not at fault for the bullying. I ask the bullies to take responsibility for their own behavior by asking them, “How are you going to fix the problem you have created?” It is amazing how powerful these words can be. They lead to real solutions, wholly owned by the students.
Disciplinary measures taken with bullies are determined on a case-by-case basis. Often, the bullies can be counted on to help design their own consequences. Parents are involved by the vice principal and are happy to hear that both bully and victim will receive some kind of counseling. Consequences can range from restitution to suspension, but are imposed under a very different light than previously. They are part of a healing process for both sides.
We have begun a slow process toward improving our school environment to make it more inclusive and welcoming. The same promise that the students signed at our initial bullying presentation was transformed into our school’s anti-bullying policy and is included in our student handbook.
Following that presentation, a few students started a new group called DARE (Dignity And Respect for Everyone). Team DARE works on special projects aimed at making our school a more welcoming place for everyone, including encouraging random acts of kindness, starting a “quote of the day” on school announcements, running a “clean up the caf” campaign and designing a welcome brochure.
Our school still has a long way to go. We have only just begun to get all of the administrators and guidance counselors in our school on the same page so that we can better share the vision and the work. We must continue to help our students learn how to stand up to bullying by helping them develop specific communication and other skills to use in typical bullying situations. We must continue to work on establishing a welcoming school environment.
We have, by no means, fixed the problem of bullying in our school, but we are confident that we are moving forward.
Joan Timmings is vice president of Ontario School Counsellors’ Association in Canada and head of student services at Mayfield Secondary School. Article provided by  View more articles | Information provided by collegeanduniversity.net |