The myth of the perfect college

Several years ago, a family came to see me in my office for the purpose of discussing college planning for their oldest daughter, who was a first-semester junior. I will never forget the father’s first words to me: “Mr. Behrend, I want you to find the perfect college for my daughter!”

Having been through the admissions cycle with students and parents for a number of years, I responded to his first statement with a question of my own: “How would you define the perfect college?” Dad replied that that was an easy question—a small sized college with a safe campus and a reasonable cost. I then asked the daughter the same question, and she replied, “A big campus with an athletic cheerleading squad program and a communications major.”

Did a family feud ensue? Not at all. In fact, this scenario I described is fairly common in families with an oldest or only child beginning the college search process.

Consider the variables
Parents and some students have the mythical notion that there is the one “perfect” college or university that’s just waiting for them to apply. The United States has been subjected to marketing and advertising campaigns that try to sell us the concept of the perfect car, the perfect house, the perfect toothpaste. Why not the perfect college? The quest for perfection has led us to believe that there is only one college that is right for a student. That is certainly what that father believed! It was obvious that his daughter felt differently.

I tossed out several of the variables that go into a search: location, program, size, makeup of student body, cost and so on. Can all of these ingredients ever fit together to create the perfect college?

The father quickly realized that his ideal for his daughter, while laudable and loving, was unrealistic. Instead, he embraced my definition of the perfect college as being one that has more positive than negative variables and one that is a good personal and programmatic match for his daughter.

I like to question my students who return for a visit after high school graduation. I ask them, “What’s good, and what’s not so good?” The students with more positives are pleased with their choices. The few with more negatives ask if they can make an appointment to come see me. I like to say that we provide lifetime service in Orchard Park!

Discuss amongst yourselves
Another issue I addressed was the disparity of Dad’s and his daughter’s statements. Did they discuss college aspirations and plans prior to coming to see me? The answer was a half-hearted “yes” from both of them. The father admitted he never told his daughter of his “perfect college” for her. The daughter admitted that she was somewhat timid about telling her dad about her true feelings. They both that it was time to have a family conference to begin to sort through the college search factors I had acquainted them with. We ended our meeting by setting up another appointment for about two weeks later.

Facilitate, don’t find
The third issue I addressed with this family was the “Mr. Behrend, I want you to find …” aspect of our meeting. Secondary counselors don’t “find” colleges for families.

Instead, they act as resources to allow families to discover the available college options and to make their own decisions. I have a fairly large arsenal available to me in Orchard Park in addition to my own experience. It includes standard publications and books, specialized materials, information from being a NACAC member, computer searches and Internet access. Additionally, virtually every college that I have students apply to provides me with information and support. All of these materials, both the tangible and intangible, can be shared and utilized by parents and students.

I have related the “perfect college” situation to demonstrate that regardless of at what point a counselor intervenes with families in the college search process, both a good information base and counseling skills are necessary. We need to help families who need information and assistance in the college search so they can realize the dream of higher education not as “perfect,” but as a well-researched, rewarding, positive experience for students and a comfortable endeavor for supportive, caring parents.

That sounds pretty perfect to me!

Carl Behrend is director of guidance at Orchard Park High School in Orchard Park, N.Y., and president of the National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC).

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