How to make friends at college

Fear was written all over Crystal Fecht’s face as she walked up the stairs to her new dorm, overwhelmed by the sheer mass of strangers passing by. She had no idea how to even begin to find anyone to connect with. She is very outgoing but thought she had nothing in common with her athletic floormates (she took dance in high school so she wouldn’t have to run the mile).

Fecht called her mom and begged her to come get her because the loneliness was too much to handle. Finally, she closed her books, opened her door, and stepped out into the hallway determined to make friends.

That determination and a little hard work paid off. Four years later, some of the girls she met as a freshman are still her best friends. She is now a successful student and resident advisor at the University of California at San Diego.

Everyone has fears about not making friends when they go to college. But there are lots of little things you can do within the first week of school to improve your chances of making some lifelong friends. Start by getting involved, leaving your dorm door open (only when you’re there—we don’t want anything getting stolen!) and asking your classmates questions. There’s also things to avoid, like visiting home every weekend and clinging to high school friends.

Just look around!
There are many opportunities to meet people right outside your door—especially on the first day. When people move in, help them with their stuff or comment on their cool poster. Ask where they are from or what they are going to major in. If your neighbors are rude or unkind, just move down to the next room. You are bound to find someone to click with.

“Living together in such close quarters facilitates relationships in ways that no other environment does. Roommates and floormates provide a network of support that students don’t receive anywhere else,” says Angela Wilcox, an area coordinator at the East Tennessee State University Department of Housing and Residence Life.

With just a little effort, you can meet someone new every day. “If you are in your room, leave your door open to encourage your neighbors to stop in and meet you. Walk around your floor and knock on a random door to introduce yourself. When you’re hungry, ask your neighbors if they’d like to join you,” says Dan Horowitz, a resident advisor and law student at the University of Pennsylvania.

“I met one of my really good friends by going to eat with her. She was a girl on my floor, and I saw her walking back from class,” says Brenda Kramer, a junior at Indiana University. “All I had to say was, ‘Hey, you hungry?’ She turned right around and went with me. I still talk to her three years later.”

Another great way to get to know people is to put a dry-erase board on the back of your door. “I would just write ‘Hi, from Amanda’ or ‘Meet me for dinner at 5’ or ‘How was your day?’ It was a great way to communicate, especially in the beginning,” says Amanda Russell, a senior at Purdue University.

Go out of your way just a little bit to talk to people. Knock on someone’s door and introduce yourself. “I went next door to talk to my neighbor, found out that she knew this campus well because she was a sophomore, and got a tour out of the deal!” says Kramer.

Grab someone to go on a midnight ice cream run to the food court. Ask what their schedules are, and see if there is a time that you can walk to class together. Just be open-minded; your dorm floor is the easiest place to meet good friends.

Pay attention to the people in class
Walking into a classroom full of row after row of tiny little seats very close to one another can be intimidating. Most people try not to sit next to one another, choosing instead to sit and stare toward the front until the professor arrives.

It can be difficult to meet people in these big lecture halls, but sometimes all you have to do is be a little friendly. “If the person next to you in your first class is silent, then strike up a conversation,” says Kristine Ramos, a student at California State University at Fullerton. “I remember making friends by just simply asking, ‘Have you bought your books yet?’ Just be nice. I know people who introduce themselves to each other the first day and eat lunch after class, exchange e-mails and phone numbers—and even after the semester is over, they still keep in touch.”

Another good idea is to form study groups or see if anyone in the class will study with you.

Get out and do something!
The University of Kansas has a plethora of clubs: pinhole photography, the Polish club, the slip’n’slide club, the field crumpets club (what is that?), the party club, a video gaming society, pre-med club and ultimate Frisbee. If you have any kind of interest in anything, there probably is a club for it at a university somewhere in this country.

You won’t have to go far to find information about clubs; announcements are all over campus!

Even dorm-sponsored activities can be fun. “My RA organized ice cream socials, outdoor volleyball, group dinners, massage therapy—even just watching ”Friends“ together in the lounge. My roommate and I went to a freshmen induction ceremony on the first day of school. It was so boring, but we met a bunch of people,” says Kramer.

East Tennessee State University has a First Year Experience program where the staff puts on events to help students with their problems. They also do game nights and social gatherings. You can go to games, BBQ’s, movie nights and band nights.

Hall government is a good way to get involved. Floors have presidents, secretaries, directors of this and that, even fire marshals!

Don’t make these mistakes
“Don’t go home too much, especially in the beginning. Even if home is 15 minutes away, spend your weekends on campus. You’ll have time to go home and see your parents—the first few weeks aren’t the time to do it,” Horowitz says.

Another mistake is sticking too close to your high school friends.

“Many of the students appeared to grieve the loss of having friends who intimately knew and understood them,” says Jennifer Crissman Ishler, an assistant professor of counselor education, about a study of female college students at a large research university. “They spent much time and energy trying to maintain their pre-college friendships through e-mail, AOL, phone calls and visits.” Definitely keep in touch with your high school friends, but don’t spend all your time on them. You will form solid, strong friendships at college over time.

And don’t be afraid to go out and try new things. Take advantage of the vast resource that is your dorm, and actually talk to people in your classes. It’s worth it.

“I was shy and scared when I first walked into that dorm room,” says Kramer. “Almost exactly two months later, I was at dinner on a friend’s birthday with six other girls. I looked around and said, ‘Wow, I actually did it!’”

Jessica Smith, 21, is a graduate of Westfield High School in Indiana and attends Indiana University Bloomington. She enjoys reading and writing, hanging with friends and traveling.

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