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The Key to Confidence
Have you ever put yourself down when someone gives you a compliment or became defensive when someone was just kidding around with you? This may be a sign that you need to boost your confidence level.
To start the process, imagine that you have your own personal coach inside your head. This coach can either cheer you on or criticize your performance. Make sure this coach cheers you on! Believing in yourself is a learned process. You possess all the tools necessary for your success. If you believe something negative about yourself, you may begin to act in a negative way in response to the message you are sending your brain. The same principle applies if you think positive.
Using positive self-talk is a helpful way to overcome the negative messages in your brain. The act of writing down your goals or dreams also helps to reinforce positive beliefs. The benefits of positive thinking will result in good feelings that help you gain confidence. When a person feels good, he or she is more likely to have a confident approach to a difficult situation.
Many professional athletes have mastered the steps of building self-confidence and self-reliance. They have learned to do this by visualizing success and working towards their goal in the face of defeat or rejection. In spite of personal setbacks, confident people continue to pursue a goal or create new ones.
According to the book Talented Teenagers, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a common characteristic among successful teenagers is, "they enjoy the hardships and challenges of their task." This doesn't mean that their talent or skill comes easily for them. Success is theirs because these teens stick with the task at hand when facing difficulties.
Dr. Peter MacKenzie, a school psychologist at Bay Trail Middle School in Penfield, NY, suggests that you "focus on your islands of competence." This means focusing on something that you are already good at doing. If you concentrate on what you know, it can help you in areas that you don't feel too confident about trying.
This is helpful to remember when you approach a new challenge. You can apply knowledge from one experience to another, even if the rules are different. An example of this is when a professional football player tries playing another sport, such as golf. He may not be the best golfer, but he uses his athletic ability and positive mental attitude to conquer the rules of his new game.
Here are a few helpful exercises that may build your confidence:
* When you try something new, focus on what you did right. For example, if you take a test, write three things that you did right, no matter what the score is.
* Be honest with yourself about how you feel ("I really was nervous having to give that speech in front of a live audience") When you admit your fear, you will often get the support you need from someone else who is in the same situation.
* Try to find the humor in all situations. No matter how painful it seems at the time, you can always find humor in any situation.
* Surround yourself with positive people who believe in you. Mark Twain once said, "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions." Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.
* Don't be afraid to ask questions from a teacher or a coach when you feel uncertain of yourself. Finding people who will give you the help you need is important in building your confidence.
* Celebrate what you DO have, instead of what you DO NOT have.
* Enjoy the challenge! Once you get over one hurdle, it will give you confidence for the next one.
Joan Rivers, a female comedienne and talk show host, commented that all her steps to success were "hurting little steps, but they were always steps moving forward". Your confidence will become stronger as you meet your challenges one step at a time.
(Excerpted from "How to Raise Teenagers' Self Esteem" Clark,Clemes & Bean) Article provided by 
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