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Talk to Me
+ Your favorite (music) group is coming to town and you want to go with a group of friends of whom your parents do not approve. What are you going to say to convince them that you are responsible enough to handle it?
+ You've been called to interview for a job that you really want. The interview is tomorrow and you have no idea what to say.
+ You're a new student at school. Meeting new people makes you nervous because you always seem to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
These are three examples of situations in which good communication skills could come in handy. How many times have you thought of a much better way to say something, as you walked away from a situation where you felt tongue-tied and foolish? In hindsight, you have all the answers.
At one time or another, almost everyone has experienced this. One way to prevent such situations is to develop quick-thinking skills. Once you enter the job market, having the right words to say is not just a personal issue, but a practical one.
Becoming a convincing speaker is a learned skill, just like perfecting an athletic ability, musical talent or attaining fluency in a foreign language. It takes practice and perseverance.
First, let's look at a common teenage dilemma: convincing parents you are responsible enough to do something. Suzette Haden Elgin, author of several books on communication skills and verbal strategies, says, "What really matters is not the things (teens) say-the words they say-but the way they say them. They need to plan ahead how they will make their case (and) to make it without letting themselves begin to sound sarcastic or insolent or angry or impatient...[and not] let themselves get rattled if the adults aren't cooperative. They need to be prepared to make their case over and over again, patiently and neutrally. There are no magic words, there are only magic tunes. It's the tunes their words are set to that will say to an adult, "I am someone who is reliable and trustworthy."
As you speak, remember that body language, tone of voice, and a respectful attitude convey important non-verbal messages.
Being convincing means being prepared. Plan ahead and give your parents enough time to think about your request. Don't surprise them at the last minute or expect an instant decision. If you do, the answer may likely be 'no.'
One senior, Chris Farrell, says, "Let parents know well in advance that you want to go to the concert. This will give you time to prepare a plan. Do whatever your parents ask and don't give them any grief. Point out how responsible you've been and all the good things you've done for them."
Now, let's turn to our second example. You have been called in for a job interview and you don't have any idea what kinds of questions you are going to be asked. Here's some advice from Pat Coffey, program trainer for Dale Carnegie Association, on how to converse in an interview:
+ Be prepared. Have answers ready. It's important to practice those ahead of time.
+ Understatement is better than overstatement. Don't say "I'm the best" or brag about how great you are.
+ Give specific examples. Don't say "I'm hard working"; instead, give examples of a jobs you held that show you to be a hard worker. Talk about something you've done at school that shows your ability to succeed.
+ Be yourself. This means: try to be relaxed and smile. Maintain eye contact. Don't try to figure out who they want you to be. Show them who you are as a person. Don't be afraid to show your enthusiasm-It's a good thing.
At some point in your life, you will be 'the new kid on the block'-at school, in college, or at work. You will have to meet people you don't know, and this requires some self-confidence. When you find yourself in this situation, try to talk about things that you know something about. Listen carefully to the other person, not only with your ears, but with all of your senses. This way, you will find out what the other person likes to talk about. Tony Robbins, author of Unlimited Power, says that "the key …is knowing that people will tell you everything you need to know about (themselves). You have to become observant and see how they tell you with their body language and their eyes."
You should feel comfortable with your own personality and style. Don't try to be a stand-up comedian if you aren't comfortable telling a joke. Look for common ground between you and the other person. One way to do this is to let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Everyone appreciates a good listener. A confident person waits for another person to reveal what is important to him or her before rushing to talk about him or herself.
When involved in a disagreement or debate with someone, acknowledge the other person's point of view before presenting yours. This may seem to go against your instincts of how to be convincing; but it shows the other person that you have heard what they just said. One good technique, called 'active listening,' is to paraphrase what they have just said to you. This shows that you understand their position. Although you may not agree with them, you can acknowledge their feelings. If you have a difference of opinion, never tell the other person that he or she is 'wrong.'
One common mistake people make is 'beating a dead horse with a stick.' After you have made your point, it is important to know when to stop talking. Elgin says, "Successful negotiators generally do more listening than talking. The most critical time to keep quiet is when there is nothing more to be said."
Good communication skills can take years to develop; and the only real way to learn is through trial and error. There will be certain debates where no one wins, and there will always be people who are impervious to your way of thinking. A good way to perfect your skills is to try to emulate the tactics, techniques and traits of people whom you admire as good communicators-perhaps someone who once disagreed with you and was able to convince you of his or her position on a topic.
Communication skills come in handy in a wide variety of arenas, including the workplace. Good communicators are particularly needed in career fields such as politics, diplomacy, education, dramatic arts or negotiating. But regardless of the career path you select, having the ability to use convincing speech will always be an asset-both professionally and personally. Article provided by 
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