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Building Your Character

"There is so little that we parents can do to help our children. We can only try to set a good example . point the way. The rest you must do yourself. You must build your own character." - Mr. Otto Frank; The Diary of Anne Frank.

This morning my mother came into my room, my own private annex, and then took one look at the soda can I'd smuggled in, saying coolly, "You're grounded. I told you not to have a drink in here."

With that, she strode away, disgustingly composed. I glared at the spot where she'd stood moments before and thought about how I would never be like her, how I would never adopt her foolish restrictions and infuriating persona. Whenever she 'gets' to me, I vow to myself that I'll grow up independent of her, because she's certainly useless. Yet, upon sitting down and analyzing a parent's influence in a child's life, I am admittedly of two minds: in some ways, parents are vital to their children's characters, and in some ways they are almost useless.

Mr. Otto Frank explains to his daughter, Anne Frank, that he cannot direct and shape her young life or her personality. I agree with this, if you interpret Mr. Frank the way I do. I do not think that Mr. Frank should be taken to mean that it is impossible for a parent to be in complete control of their child. I mean, we all know that certain child with the overbearing parents who control their child as though the child was a puppet on a marionette. However, I think Mr. Frank should be taken to mean that a parent must not become a dictator of their child's psyche, lest the child become fed up and turn into a fiend bent on rebellion. I have seen parents who have long since lost control of their children and are clinging desperately at any attempts to make their offspring manageable again.

Thus, if parents value the trust and respect of their children, they must avoid overly controlling their children, because in doing so they will lose them entirely by creating either a human puppet or an untouchable rogue.

Is it that parents have no importance in their children's lives? Certainly this is not the case! We know now via sophisticated university research that a parent who is absent in a child's life will create an adult who seeks out attention from other (often less desirable) sources. Deprivation is definitely not what children ought to go through. But Mr. Frank, hidden away in a European world that lacked modern niceties, could not have known of these studies. His paternal instincts were the reason he was able to explain to Anne that, "We can only try to set a good example. point the way." And here he is correct.

A parent figure must attempt to find a satisfactory medium between "not present" and "overbearing" in their child's life. They must do their best to push their screaming instincts aside and guide their impressionable children with a gentle, but certain, hand.

One can compare a youth to a skittish horse. Neglected, the horse will become [or remain] introverted and mistrustful. Yet, if you ride the same horse with sharp spurs and a curb bit, he might become an angry beast, turned wild from mistreatment by a person who wouldn't take the time to try and understand him.

With the concepts that are subtly presented by Mr. Frank understood, parents must ask themselves what they can do to assist their child through life. Mr. Frank's suggestion, "try to set a good example," is a perfect place to start. Certainly, children learn by example. A boy who witnesses his father callously abusing and beating his sisters or mother may develop the idea that women are rag dolls, to be thrown around and discarded as he so desires. A girl that hears her mother cursing, and sees her downing bottles of booze each night is certain to become a moody, alcoholic adult. (If said child even waits until legal age to drink!)

But what of the child with witty, educated parents who pray and believe in fairness and equality. So long as they do not force their individual beliefs upon their child, he or she will probably follow voluntarily in their parents' admirable footsteps.

Also, in order to be successful in the tricky art of parenthood, adults must always given their charges the support they will undoubtedly require. No matter what age the child is, or how small or embarrassing their problem may be, a child will be endlessly grateful that they have an adult to turn to.

A parent's duty is to listen well and to be an impartial and fair judge. Attempt to speak kindly and guide your children well if you are a parent. I am not a parent, nor do I ever desire to be one. I am the prime example of a difficult child and I know God would take glee in repaying me with a demon for a baby. But I do know about parents, and how children view and receive them.

Being the perfect parent is certainly impossible, because it is difficult to find the perfect balance between being your child's friend and being your children's mentor. Parents can only try their best and pray some good comes of it, as Mr. Frank realizes.

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