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Mean people stink!

We’ve all seen it: The person who is constantly being called names as they walk down the hall, or someone getting shoved into the lockers while they try to negotiate the halls between classes, or the girl who is having nasty sexual notes and e-mails sent out about her.

Does this happen at your school?

If you answered “yes,” your school is just one of the many tackling a bullying and harassment problem. Bullying and harassment is an age-old problem that is finally getting recognized as something that is not a “normal” part of growing up. It is unfair to expect people to put up with taunting, physical acts of aggression and social isolation as part of the high school experience.

The impact on the victim may include stress symptoms (insomnia, depression, etc.), rejection by friends, low self-esteem, decline in school performance, skipping or avoiding school, humiliation/fear, self-destructive behaviours or increased risk of suicide. The impact on the aggressor may also include such things as a distorted self-image, perception of aggression as a means to power, four times greater risk of criminal involvement, poor mental health, irregular education and/or employment.

Most likely, you can identify certain behaviours that can be classified as verbal, physical or relational bullying. These can include acts mentioned previously as well as threats of violence, physical aggression, sexual harassment, cyber bullying, destroying someone’s property and behaviours towards individuals meant to humiliate or embarrass.

Probably the big question you have is, “Why do bullies do this?” The short answer is, because they feel they can. Bullying happens because of a power imbalance, meaning the bully has more power than the victim.

Power can be achieved in many ways, including social status, money, position within the peer network, personality power and, of course, physical power. This is what makes bullying different from a conflict situation. In a conflict situation, both parties have equal power, and a resolution is possible through problem solving. In a bullying situation, the victim is powerless to affect change and is usually intimidated by the bully. This brings us to the point of why victims are reluctant to disclose that they are being bullied.

The code of secrecy around ratting someone out is a very powerful tool that bullies use to their advantage. We fail to recognize that there is a distinct difference between ratting and reporting. Ratting is when you want to get someone in trouble. For example, if your classmate is chewing gum in class and the rules say no gum is allowed, telling on this person serves you no purpose. You may simply be doing it for the satisfaction of seeing someone get in trouble. Reporting, however, is when someone’s emotional or physical safety is of concern. Then, letting someone know of the bullying situation will help the victim.

The old adage, “If you aren’t part of the solution, you may be part of the problem,” holds true for bullying. Bystanders play a very important role in the bullying scenario. What do bystanders typically do? They smile or laugh, verbally encourage the bully, stand and watch, or simply walk by thinking, “Am I glad that’s not me!”

Most importantly, bystanders usually don’t report what they see. This creates more power for the bully because the bully has an audience as well as the protection of knowing that no one is going to report the incident.

This is what we must change.

Don’t be a bystander who gives power to bullies. Having a school that not only has an anti-bullying focus, but also encourages students to look out for one another, is an important step in intervention of the problem. When peers intervene, they succeed in stopping bully behaviours about half the time.

Intervention does not mean getting into the face of the bully. It can be in the form of reporting the behaviours you witnessed to a teacher or school administrator. This way, you can support the victim without putting yourself in danger. You can also support victims by telling them that it is not their fault, and encourage them to report the problem. Most victims do not report incidents out of fear that they will get worse. But it is when actions aren’t reported that they usually get worse.

Bullies tend to gravitate toward victims that do not have good social networks. You can help in setting up a support system for the victim by having him or her walk with you to class or sit with you at lunch.

Taking responsibility for how others are treated at your school means that you are going to be part of the solution! Here are some suggestions to share with your school to tackle this problem:

Have your school develop an anti-bullying committee and policy. Students, parents and teachers should all be part of the group.

Do some fund-raising to raise awareness of the issue.

Create an anti-bullying page in the student agenda that outlines the school policy and consequences.

Suggest that all teachers be educated on the issues of bullying, including criminal and non-criminal harassment.

Develop an anonymous way for other students to report bullying, perhaps through a special school phone line.

Youth talking to youth about these important issues and how their schools tackle these problems puts everyone on the same page. When we know the issues of bullying and harassment and have a plan to educate others, then we can have a school climate where we respect and support one another.

Deb Cockerton is RespectED provincial coordinator for the Red Cross in Peterborough, Ontario. For more tips, visit www.redcross.ca, or e-mail [email protected].

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