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Helping Others Become Stronger

The summer after I received news of becoming captain, I thought I made a mistake applying for the position.  I could sense my own fear.  I screamed the words "Scared to Be in Charge" without uttering a sound.  I was too much the friend and equal of my squad members to come down upon them with an air of higher authority.  

Truth was, I wasn't cut out to be a team leader.  I had always been the person who worked behind the scenes; the one who got her work done well and occasionally inspired the next person to do the same.  

I was a leader, yes, but I had always been in charge of just one person - me. So when I was appointed captain of my high school's varsity cheer, I had to redefine my role.

I was a child of three when I first sought to become my own boss.  I remember my dad having to leave again, his departures no longer foreign.  My parents were constantly away.  They lived and worked on a separate island in the Philippines while I was cared for by my aunt.  I held no resentment towards them because I knew they were laboring intensively to build a better life for all of us.  

Still, as my dad said his good-byes, I felt a sharp emptiness. Another three weeks before I'd see him again.  Tears fogged my vision but I fought to hold them back.  I was powerless in my two-and-a-half foot frame to change the course of my dad's footsteps.  I did, however, have power over myself.  So I withheld my tears.

Growing up, I prized independence.  I took on roles where I was my main contender.  As commissioner of publicity, I was the one who determined when my own projects would be completed.  While volunteering at the hospital, I chose what hours I wanted to work and what work I wanted to do.  If I had headed a corporation then, I would be both Chief Executive and employee of my own company. Being used to working for myself would put me at a disadvantage for cheer.  

Cheer camp was especially brutal for me as a starting captain.  As if it weren't difficult enough learning routines on my own, I was expected to teach ten other girls as well.  My voice wavered as I gave uncertain commands.  Stunts fell like heavy rain, formation lines went askew, and very few people knew what to do.

I was in the midst of a tornado- chaos all around.  My orders would come but the wind would prey on my words.  Alas, no one could- or would- hear me. In a company that only has one member on staff, it's not difficult to associate a problem with its source.  

The event took me back to my childhood - I was three again with very little control over my surroundings.  I wanted to find the security of self-sufficiency once more.  But being independent would not be the solution - not when others depended on me.  I was foolish to think that my squad could trust in my authority when I hardly trusted in myself.  

With this realization, I was closer now to becoming a leader of many instead of just one. The power that resides within a group leader was there for the taking. All I had to do was open my arms and embrace it.  To be a source of confidence for my squad, I had to dismiss my feelings of uncertainty.  

I finally comprehended that there was something they needed more from me than just my friendship and understanding - they needed my guidance.  And as I began to exercise my authority, I felt a growing desire- a need- to bring out the best in these ten girls.  

Taking the role of Cheer Captain, I had hoped to become stronger as an individual.  But in the process, I've come to want more; to help others become stronger.

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